San Marcos couple finds love after tragedy
San Marcos couple finds love after tragedy
Lionel and Natalie Saulsberry each overcame the death of their spouses to find a new spark in life with each other; use experiences to connect with other couples and launch podcast
SAN MARCOS — Overcoming the loss of a spouse is one of life’s biggest challenges.
For some, they never recover, while others can pursue love and relationships with a different spouse. And for one San Marcos couple, losing their spouses to premature deaths was the beginning of their path to a rekindled spice for life, love and marriage.
When Lionel and Natalie Saulsberry, 49 and 51, respectively, first met, it was as coworkers at the Army and Navy Academy in Carlsbad. The sparks, though, didn’t fly at first as each were married and in different spots in life, but the two became fast friends.
Once they connected as a couple, they found it difficult to make friends later in life. The two branched out, went to events, dove into their community, ran for office and this year launched their podcast, “Couples Unfiltered,” which highlights the ups, downs and everything between for couples.
“We were in relationships with people who were not social at all,” Natalie Saulsberry said. “So, we never did double-dating with other couples. We were social people and didn’t realize it until we started dating. We didn’t know how to be friends with couples.”
Natalie Saulsberry is originally from San Jose, born to a biracial couple, although her father would eventually fade out of the family’s life. She met Greg Gali and there was a nine-year age difference, Saulsberry 26, Gali 35, but the two were peas in a pod. The couple had two of their own kids, although Gali already had two other children from a previous relationship.
They moved to Texas for a spell and then landed in San Diego in 2011 after the two both were laid off. Saulsberry, a nurse by trade, also found a job in the health center at Army and Navy Academy as the two began a new adventure in California.
However, Gali was diagnosed with melanoma in 2012. He found a mole on his foot and after its removal, tumors began sprouting throughout his leg. He was diagnosed with Stage 2 cancer, although the couple was without health insurance for one year, which is why it took Gali so long visit to the doctor to investigate the mole, Saulsberry said.
Gali, though, believed chemotherapy would kill him, so he opted for Eastern medicine and treatments, but those didn’t remedy the situation. In March 2017, Gali died and so did Saulsberry’s world.
“We were going to holistic places, natural pathic … and everything is out of pocket,” she recalled. “In my mind, he was killing himself, but in his mind, he was trying to live. He lived very healthy for about five years, until that last year. He decided to do some Western medicine, but he was gone within three months. I always knew from the beginning he wouldn’t survive. I was planning on 10 years. We had a great last year. All things that were wrong in our marriage didn’t matter anymore.”
Lionel Saulsberry, meanwhile, was born and raised in Youngstown, Ohio, which had a notorious reputation for rough neighborhoods, drugs and crime. The Saulsberrys had four kids, and his father was also a musician and rubbed shoulders with Kool and the Gang, among others, but Youngstown was not the environment Lionel Saulsberry wanted to be around anymore.
He said he never took school seriously and was in jeopardy of not graduating, but an encounter with a U.S. Marine Corps. recruiter changed the course of Saulsberry’s life.
So, Saulsberry did the work to graduate and then enlisted with the Marines, the start of a 22-year career in the corps as a postman. His travels took him to Japan three times, South Carolina, Iraq and Camp Pendleton.
However, he met Denequa Cooper during boot camp and then reconnected in Indiana at their job training school. The two received permission to get married and they did in 1996.
The couple suffered tragedy early on when Cooper delivered their first child, Alexander, premature, who died one day later. It was a crushing blow for the couple, Saulsberry said, but after they collected themselves, they had two healthy sons.
However, the marriage began to fall apart when Saulsberry was deployed to Iraq for 13 months in 2007-08. Cooper was out of work for several years, began drinking and over the years it became overwhelming. After his deployment, Saulsberry was stationed in New York and then Japan before transferring to Camp Pendleton.
Cooper went to culinary school and found work as a chef at some of the best restaurants in the region. However, the grip of her alcoholism continued, and the relationship struggled.
Unable to afford a home in North County, they bought a home in Menifee and Saulsberry, who retired from the Marines, commuted to the Army and Navy Academy. He said they thought the home could save the marriage, but it wasn’t to be. The couple separated shortly after moving into the home and Lionel Saulsberry eventually moved out.
Cooper’s struggles intensified and eventually was admitted to the hospital twice. She died of cirrhosis in 2019.
“She was truly my saving grace,” Saulsberry said of Natalie. “She went through and was able to walk me through it. We were married for 22 years. I grew up with this person. In order to be able to deal with and have to do, you have to separate yourself.”
Lionel and Natalie Saulsberry, though, found solace in their friendship and soon deeper feelings began to emerge and they decided to entertain a relationship. Natalie Saulsberry said finding a connection and friendship before an intimate relationship was a revelation as the two fit perfectly.
Once the two moved forward in their newfound relationship, Natalie Saulsberry said the connection was “crazy” and the chemistry was off the charts. The two became tied at the hip, went on a 10-day vacation to Antigua and then married in 2020.
However, in their 40s making friends was a challenge. At first, they struggled but then threw themselves into their community in San Marcos.
It began as inviting neighbors or other acquaintances over to their home and then blossomed into deep conversations about the relationships and experiences. Soon, the couple thought it would make for a good interview series, so the podcast was born.
They also championed causes, such as securing a proclamation from the city acknowledging Juneteenth and hosting a Juneteenth event in their neighborhood. As a result, Mayor Rebecca Jones attended and met the couple.
Impressed with Lionel Saulsberry’s pedigree, encouraged him to run for City Council in 2022. They are also planning for a more robust and bigger Juneteenth celebration either this year or next.
Despite the defeat, Lionel Saulsberry said it was a great experience, and the couple met and made new friends, opening up their lives. He was also appointed to the city’s Planning Commission.
But there was still an itch, so the two decided to launch their podcast in February (episodes drop every three weeks) focusing mostly on couples, their experiences, navigating tough times and embracing the good. They’ve been able to share stories, connect with others and provide advice and more to their audience.
Natalie Saulsberry, though, quit her job and has thrown herself into the new venture, while Lionel Saulsberry left Army and Navy and now works at Project Next at San Marcos High School.
Lionel Saulsberry said some of the goals are to show others how to navigate situations, avoid the pitfalls and learn from the failures. Natalie Saulsberry said she and her husband also learn from their conversations and experiences of others to mentor or just to have open and safe conversations would have made a significant difference.
“Mostly, we invite other couples to sit down and have conversations about things they went through as a couple and how they came out on the other side,” Natalie Saulsberry said. “I don’t have a mentor couple I can go to. We want to get the gamut of different perspectives. It’s real people. It’s not therapy, although sometimes it can feel like it.”
Check out where to find “Couples Unfiltered” here.
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